You’ve stumbled into Wabiblobby.

The place exists for a few reasons.

One is to improve my health while providing support for those who struggle with similar problems.

I’ve suffered from avoidant personality disorder and depression for most of my life. Every day I’m certain that anything I do will fail and that people will reject me. So I avoid life: I hide from people, I don’t try new activities, and I give up on old interests, too. I’m so scared of what the world thinks of me, and so certain that I’m a bad person, that I’ve forgotten what it is that I enjoy or what I have to offer to other people. I’ve left life pass me by, told myself that my dreams are impossible, and I’m often overcome by loneliness and regret.

Despite the challenges, I want to get better. And I’d like people who are in a similar place to know they’re not alone in trying to cope and succeed in their lives. There’s relatively little research on avoidant personality disorder. There’s also few places where people share constructive steps for overcoming the disorder. There are sub-reddits dedicated to the disorder which are useful for finding other people with similar experiences. But Reddit can be a grim place. There people deep in their unhappiness express feelings of doom and their sense that trying to change is futile.

I’d like to create a place where I focus on change. I’m by no means an overly positive person. I’m suspect of positive thinking and I know how hard it is for one person to make significant, positive changes in their lives without outside help. I’m also not a therapist–and I’m even critical of categories like “personality disorder.” I can’t claim to be an expert or know what I’m doing even half the time. But I hope that this blog can record my efforts at achieving a better life–and maybe help others do the same.

I’ll map my attempts to overcome patterns of thought that have been with me for decades. I also do a lot of research on mental illness and I’ll share those insights here. If you come upon my writing, I hope it helps you.

The other purpose of the blog is to cultivate and share my interests.

I’ve thought about doing a lot in my life–from painting, writing novels, board game design, making a video game, creating a screenplay, beer making, to carpentry–but I’ve never pursued any of these interests. In my early 30s, I regret the chances I never took and the experience that I denied myself. So, with the benefit of annonymity, I plan to share what I’m working on, to write about my curiosities, and learn to be okay with actually expressing whatever it is that might interest me.

And hey, if it interests you too, then all the better.